All the Rest
by Hari-Aisu
Summary: There was a set of choices for the both of them to make, but Lawliet had always known that in the end, the most important of decisions would always rest on his own shoulders. Raito still had a life to live even if he said otherwise. Sequel to Back to You
1. My Story

A.N: Where are the drumrolls when we need them? This story needs a drumroll, damn it! Gawd... stupid non-instrumental openings. Anyway, if anyone is wondering 'What the hell are you putting up Hari-Aisu?! Seriously, you need to finish your other damn stories and stop stalling, you damn attention-deficit author!', then two things;

A) I am ADD in all things writing, but what do you expect from the person who brought you CSS. Really? You're actually surprised that my mind can't focus on one thing? That one-shot series is a literal poster-child for my neurotic plot-bunny-flow.

B) This is technically NOT a new story, but a continuation of both "Halfway There" and "Back to You" that so many people *insert snort here* asked for. No, it's not a one-shot like I said it was going to be. It's a three-shot, because I felt like it, and I really like me some three-shots.

But this is all obvious to us all, so whatever.

Thanks to Kitsune55 for beta-ing this chapter for me! (AND CONGRATULATIONS FOR YOUR GOOD FORTUNE AND HARD WORK RE-PAID! YAY! I EXPECT PICTURES, RANDOM CONVERSATIONS ABOUT WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON IN J-WORLD AND QUITE POSSIBLY, A SMALL ASIAN CHILD TO START MY COLLECTION OF ADOPTED ORPHANS FROM AROUND THE WORLD! What? Angelina Jolie is my God. Besides, I hear UPS delivers internationally. XD)

Disclaimer: No, I don't own it. Consider this story DISCLAIMED!

* * *

Title: _**All the Rest**_

Chapter One: _My Story_

* * *

It was my burden to bear.

That's what I always thought to myself when doctors spoke about my condition and asked about loved ones, or nurses gave me sympathetic glances behind lifted hands they thought I could not see past. Saccharine words filled with pity, dishonesty underlying every sentence as they spoke without actually speaking; _you're going to be ok, this won't hurt a bit, just a __**little**__ longer, sweetie…_

Sometimes, I wondered if they thought I was a cancer patient or an idiot.

Though after all those obnoxious stares, I could definitely bet a slice of my favorite cheesecake it was a little of both…

It didn't matter, though. I knew I was condemned to die a long time before this. Hell, I'm surprised I made it to eighteen. But here I am; an anomaly within the statistics. I suppose I should be happy. Maybe I even was at one time, when I had thought that we had _moved past this_.

But looking into my Raito's red-rimmed eyes still glistening with tears, I knew whatever amount of happiness I had clutched onto in the years before was vanishing by the second. The same question whizzing around in the back of my mind still convulses in unease as my pale hand reaches up and weaves itself through my best friend's sandy locks of hair, earning a small smile (_it's sad, because his smiles, though beautiful, never last for very long…_) for my efforts.

"You're looking good today, Lawliet."

Looking into your disheartened eyes that never seem to glow as brilliantly as they used to, I always have to ask myself now that you're here to share these heart-breakingly beautiful moments with me…

Is it still my own burden to bear?

* * *

"Raito?" Lawliet whispered as the machines beside him beeped continuously to a beat that both he and his friend could never quite hear. "May I ask you a question?"

"Sure." Raito smiled as brightly as he could as he fixed the I.V. hanging beside them, making sure the tube hanging from the bags to Lawliet's arm did not get tangle with the other wires hanging off the bed and around the slumped teen's body.

"… … How long have they given me this time?"

Hands froze as silvery-gray eyes barely blinked, keeping their unerring stare on the boy beside them. Raito felt a drop of sweat fall down the back of his neck as his own gaze shifted towards the wall on his left side, the smile that had been precariously perching on his lips falling as fast as it had formed.

"Does it matter?"

Lawliet simply shrugged as Raito sat down on the bed and laid his head against his thin shoulder, knowing that it had to be unbearably bony, yet refusing to say a word to thwart the other's search for comfort.

Hands cinched at his waist, the dark-haired hospital patient let his head fall to the side as he stared out the window, wondering, wondering, _always wondering_…

"You'll be better soon, Lawliet." Raito whispered against the pale ear, tucking his head into the soft skin of the other's elongated neck. "You _have _to be better soon…"

* * *

Sometimes, when you look at me in that special way you do, it doesn't _all_ seem so bad.

You tell me to stay optimistic, and sometimes I do.

_I do_.

You just don't notice it on the best of days.

"_I'm sure the treatment won't be too bad today. Maybe I'll even be able to walk without limping or fainting out of chemo._"

"_Raito-kun should really listen to the nurse. She says that it is fine to eat sweets while I'm here. Cake is perfectly good 'getting well' food as long as I don't keel over as I'm eating it._"

"_Well, I don't have to have any kind of surgery or endure any kind of painful medical prodding on the doctor's part, so I suppose that yes, today does look to be a good day._"

See?

But even that doesn't satisfy you.

You say I joke too much.

That I don't take things _seriously_.

Do you really blame me?

* * *

"Here." Raito threw the stack of papers and books onto Lawliet's lap as he huffed out a sigh, wondering if it was a crime to have to lug all those huge text-books up ten sets of stairs because the damn elevator was _**out of order**_. "All your homework, extra paper and random books 'just because' in a neat little pile, all arranged for you by your caring and dutiful boyfriend. I'm so awesome."

"Of course." Lawliet quipped as the younger of the two took a swipe at the back of his head, a small smile carved into his lips as he shuffled a few of the written-upon papers in search of a blank one. "Self-dubbed by Raito, of course."

"You're such an ass." The brunette felt his eye twitch as he sat down his own book-bag against the bed, shoulders aching from the heavy load once set upon them.

"So I've heard." The paler of the two whispered, almost laughing as Raito sat down beside the propped up patient, yawning a bit as he kicked out his legs against the plush bed.

"The doctor says he has to talk to you about something today." Raito explained as he stretched his arms above his head, weary eyes reflecting just how exhausted he truly was. "Was really vague about it when he told me... in fact, it looked as if he didn't want to tell me anything about whatever it is by the look on his face when he was talking. Wasn't really paying attention, truth be told."

"Hm." Lawliet took the blank piece of paper sitting on his lap and began folding it over, dark eyes nearly void of any emotion as they concentrated on his own fingers and the bending of the brittle paper within his gentle grip. "Now?"

"Do you want me to call him in now?"

Lawliet shook his head, smoothing out the wing of his paper plane before throwing it forward.

"I'm ok."

Raito said nothing as he watched the plane slowly fall onto the ground, the paper crinkling as the plane tilted over on its left side, a small heap of crinkled paper and folded edges on the sterilized white tiled floor.

* * *

I know I'm not a very vocal person.

My parents, most especially my mother, tend to constantly remind me of this fact. I don't want to come off as a completely horrible person at times, but I can't exactly change my tendencies at this point.

They helped mold them, after all.

But you understand me, Raito. You always have, from the very beginning.

When I met you in that playground, alone and cold, frightened and lost, you were someone I was instantly magnetized to. I couldn't help but look at you, and _not stop looking_. I'd never felt that before. I was always different; always ostracized. Yet here you were, acting as if I wasn't some plague you wanted to get rid of at first sight.

Ha. Plague. If only people knew…

Though that's half a lie, isn't it?

Everyone has always known there was something off about me, and it was more than just my far-off gaze that never seemed to focus on anything in particular and my devil-may-care attitude.

This sickness that infects me to this day defines me in more ways than what I'm able to say. Everyone always looked for a reason to not like me, so I played their game and gave it to them, just so that the cancer could be brushed aside if they ever found out.

'_He has cancer? Oh, that's horrible… but he's an asshole, so who really cares, ya know?_'

That's the reaction I wanted, even as a child. It's what I _needed_ for them to think, because if they hated me, I could still be something tangible.

I could still be_ human._

So I acted like a brat. I said horribly blunt things. I lied. I cheated constantly at games, tests, whatever. I did everything in my power to be the person you didn't want to sit next to in class or lunch. I isolated myself, and did it with a proverbially straight face.

I didn't want to be liked. I didn't care for friends.

Being alone was so much better…

But then, I met you.

And you changed everything.

* * *

"Balloons."

"Bananas."

"Blueberries."

"Backpacks."

"Books."

"… … Damn." Raito whispered, scratching his head as he blinked tiredly. "Can't think of anything else. Let's play something else, huh?"

"Raito-kun looks exhau-sted." Lawliet sang out as he ruffled the other boy's hair, looking every bit as smug as an emotionless 18-year-old shouldn't have looked. "Maybe he should take a nap."

"I'm ok." Raito muttered as he buried his head into the crook of Lawliet's shoulder, eyelids contradicting his statement as they drooped even further. "It's not like I have heavy bags under my eyes and am ten times more pasty than the rest of humanity like _some_ people in this room…"

"I fear Raito has made an insult on my behalf."

"Even if I was," The brunette smirked as he closed his eyes, not aware of another set of eyes watching the pair from outside the clear windows decorating the door, lab coat as sparkling white as the walls of the hospital room and eyes just as clear as the retreating sky hanging above outdoors. "I doubt you would give a damn anyway."

Lawliet kept his gaze trained to the one locked on his own, leaning his head against the smooth sepia locks cushioning his chin as he felt his arms tighten around the other.

"If you say so, Raito-kun…"

* * *

You changed everything from that first day our eyes met and you just _had_ to know all about me, and the funny thing is, you didn't even realize it at the time.

Though as time went out, I would find out just how _oblivious_ you really are, and it still kills me to this day that I had to fall for the most unaware guy on Earth. I have to say, Rai-chan, I have never meant anyone so naïve in my life. And Raito, I mean that with as much affection and affinity a person can put in that one sentence.

But not only that, it's just…

Well, to put it frankly you're really just too… _idealistic_.

You think the good guys should _always_ win, and that there's always this perpetual battle between some cosmic forces we can't see that determines all our fates, and criminals are all _bad_, and innocents are all _good_…

How can you live life so… narrow-minded?

But it's you… and as much as it drives me crazy sometimes, I don't think I would want you to change if given the chance.

Sometimes, you give me this look as if you think the very same thing, when you're not so heavily guarded and those walls come down in a heap so that all that's left is _you _and _me_.

Remembering each passing glance… it makes me so _furious _to even think about.

How could you want me this way? So broken?

Because a part of me is, you know.

And when you look at me in that special way-

It just reminds me how much it all actually hurts.

* * *

"Raito?" Lawliet poked the boy in the head as he shifted closer to his person, watching the 17-year-old yawn cutely against the crook of his neck. "Raito… wake up."

"Huh?" Bleary brown eyes blinked as a small red spots of warmth formed on the cheek Raito had been resting against Lawliet's shoulder, the shades of sleep still clouding the boy's vision as he fought unconsciousness once more.

"I think the doctor is trying to get our attention." Lawliet pointed at the door, his eyes losing the somewhat giddy emotion that had been lingering within them. "I do not think he's giving us much other choice in terms of time, then."

"Uh… whatever." The tired brunette shrugged before leaning forward and stretching his arms over his head, barely managing to get out of the bed without falling onto the floor in a heap of wrinkled clothing and limbs. "I guess I should get going, then. Do you need anything for tomorrow morning?"

Lawliet smiled as he waved the boy away, his eyes taking on a cold edge as the doctor knocked on the door before opening it slightly.

"Is it alright if I speak to you, Lawliet?" The doctor asked with a somewhat genial look on his wrinkled face, his aging face giving Raito a slight glance before sharply turning back to the 18-year-old still lying within the plain hospital bed in the middle of the room.

"Could you give us one more minute, please?" Was the prickly reply, the small narrowing of the hospital patient's eyes noticeable only to Raito himself as he fidgeted with the sleeve of his collar shirt, feel rather awkward from the tense environment of the room.

The doctor barely nodded before Lawliet leaned forward and grabbed Raito's arm, gleaming eyes softening as the teen bewilderedly stared at the door, wondering just _why _Lawliet seemed to hate that particular doctor so much.

* * *

If this is the end, then I don't think I really have the right to complain, anyway.

My life hasn't been so bad in comparison to others. It might've been… shorter than I would have liked it to be, but I've lived more in this short amount of time that most other people in this world.

Before I can even dredge up some of your inner-monologue in my _own _head, don't take that the wrong way, inner-Raito. This isn't some valiant death wish about how I just _can't _take this anymore, or giving in… or whatever other petty plea even _I _can think of.

I don't _want_ to die.

But there are two truths in this world.

Being born is the beginning, if such thing exists.

And death is the end.

It is an inevitable path that every human walks upon, and it makes up each of our stories, intertwining us all together no matter how different we may be.

Being afraid…

There's no point in feeling such a useless emotion.

* * *

"I'll miss you until tomorrow." Lawliet smiled once more, a sense of doubt still lingering in the back of his mind as he thought of what exactly he was doing.

"Me too." Raito sighed before giving the boy a hug, all he could actually conjure as he caught sight of the doctor giving them a look from between the glass of the door. "I'll be back bright and early tomorrow morning, ok?"

"I wouldn't expect anything less, Raito-kun." Letting the boy go, the dark-haired teen sighed as Raito beckoned the doctor within the room, waving back at him with a slight smile on his face. "And hopefully, you won't expect anything less from me in return."

* * *

And even if every part of me is terrified at the thought of leaving you behind…

I don't think I can do this anymore, Raito. I don't care about the pain, and the suffering, and the embarrassment _I _feel…

It's your eyes.

It's your exhaustion.

It's your tears.

It's your _life_.

* * *

_**You'll understand… **_

* * *

"Excuse me?"

"… … You heard me, doctor."

The stark white hospital room seemed to ring with silence, only punctured by the beeping machines and dripping of the I.V. still attached to the 18-year-old's arm.

"Are you telling me that you're actually refusing anymore treatments?" The doctor almost dropped his clipboard as the boy in front of him simply smiled and nodded. "But… but just because you haven't been responding as well as we would have liked, doesn't mean that we should continue until we reach a definite answer! You may still have a chance!"

"Of what?" The smile slipped off the boy's face as those dull gray eyes seemed to distance themselves away from the situation at hand and retreat back into his own mind, something that drove the doctor into near madness. "More chemo? Future bone marrow transplants? Failed recoveries? I think I'm done, sir. I think I've been done for a long time, and we've both known this."

"And your family and… _friends_?" Sitting down in the chair opposite from the bed, the older man glared at his patient in a form of hostility that even Lawliet himself had never seen on the doctor's face. "What do you plan to tell them?"

At the thought of the future (_his mother's crumbling face full of tears, his brother's withdrawn glances of betrayal, his father's tired sighs of disappointment_), Lawliet almost faltered.

'_Just push it all away…_'

"I'll deal with all that when the time comes."

_Almost_.

"For now, I think we should speak of _other_ options, doctor…"

The look of Raito's distraught face (_the one he knew would nearly kill him in seeing, the one he knew that would define just how messed up this relationship really was, the one that made him just as angry to think about as those beautiful saddened eyes_) lingered in the back of his head as Lawliet closed his slate gray eyes and let his mind wander once again…

* * *

_**Won't you?**_

* * *


	2. Your Story

A.N: Annnnnnnnnnd, here's the next chapter. ^.^; Sorry about the long wait, you guys, but between the harshness of this story and a small bout of illness (damn it, what the hell is wrong with my health?!), it was hard to write. Kit-chan said it was good, but my sicky-goggles may still be clouding my faith in my writing skills.

So... I've been hearing these pleas for a happy ending. Uh... I think I'm just going to keep downing my Tylenol PM and drinking my Snapple and hope for the best.

Many thank-you's and great hurrah's to Kitsune55 for beta-ing for me! I think I'm gonna go beddie-bye now...

* * *

Title: _**All the Rest**_

Chapter Two: _Your Story_

* * *

Raito felt his heart drop to his feet as his book-bag dropped down from his shoulders, ear pressed closely to the hospital door slightly opened beside him.

"… … _You heard me, doctor."_

No.

No.

No.

No.

No…

Nononononononononono…

_Tell me I didn't just hear that, Lawliet. _

_Tell me I didn't just hear you say those words…_

Standing outside the slightly open door, the teenage student could swear his heart began to palpitate as the ringing within his ears continued on with no end in sight…

_What's going on?_

"_Are you telling me that you're actually refusing anymore treatments?"_

This was…

This was _not happening_.

'Lawliet…'

"_But… but just because you haven't been responding as well as we would have liked, doesn't mean that we shouldn't continue until we reach a definite answer! You may still have a chance!"_

A chance.

They still had a _chance_.

And Lawliet was just throwing it all away?

_Why is this happening?_

"_Of what?"_

Raito felt himself slide down the wall as his boyfriend's familiar voice echoed within the room emptily, sounding nothing like the man that had been speaking so tenderly to him just minutes before.

"_More chemo? Future bone marrow transplants? Failed recoveries? I think I'm done, sir. I think I've been done for a long time, and we've both known this."_

_Why are you speaking like this?_

_Where did your hope go?_

A familiar nurse he'd seen a few times before came towards him, but stopped as she heard the conversation inside the hospital room. Looking into Raito's eyes, she somehow knew…

This wasn't something that could be treated as easily as an illness.

_How could you be giving up on me like this?_

"_And your family and… __**friends**__?"_

_I thought we were __**more **__than this. _

_What did I do wrong?_

Another nurse blinked, ready to shake the poor brunette out of his shock-induced stupor, but was stopped by the first nurse. Ushering the second aside, the young dark-haired woman sat beside the shell-shocked boy as he felt himself begin to shake.

_What did I do __**wrong**__?_

"_What do you plan to tell them?"_

The Earth seemed to stand still for the 17-year-old teenager as he listened intently, his raking shivers coming to an immediate stop just as the ringing in his ears ceased. The booming thumps resounding from his chest calmed themselves as hands that weren't Raito's own rested themselves on his right shoulder, the cold hospital wall behind him chilling him to the very core.

'Tell them that you don't mean it, Lawliet. Tell them that you're happy right now, and that you can see yourself getting better. Tell them about all the plans that we've made, and all of the years we still have together. _Tell them_, Lawliet. Tell them, so that I can believe it _too_.'

"_I'll deal with all that when the time comes."_

"You weren't… supposed to just give up like this." Raito whispered as the nurse beside him squeezed his shoulder, giving as much comfort as she could.

"Yagami-san…"

"_For now, I think we should speak of other options, doctor…"_

After that, Raito knew that staying where he was, was not an option.

The nurse frowned sympathetically as the teenage student struggled with the torrent of feelings (_feelings he had always tried to hide away, just so he wouldn't he have to feel them to begin with_) overflowing within his chest.

'I can't stay, I can't stay, I can't stay... after all this time...'

So…

_How could you forget about me so easily?_

_Haven't I done enough?_

_Why can't it ever be enough…?_

_**Why can't I stay?**_

He ran.

* * *

When we first met, it was indeed very awkward.

But not in the way most people would guess.

You were different… and _new_.

I'd never met anyone like you before; someone so willing to push everyone else's wants away for your own, and not care who was offended by that fact in the least. You were someone who _refused_ to be ignored, and kicked up a fuss whenever you thought you weren't the center of everyone's world, shining brilliantly among all the dulled out glimmers of light that surrounded you without even knowing it. You were my complete opposite in everyway, and even as I pondered just why we seemed to be so magnetized to each other, you didn't seem to care about such trivial matters in the least.

You were Raito, and I was Lawliet, and that was all that really mattered to you, and steadily, that became my way of thinking as well.

Where did those days go, Raito?

I have to admit, it was a peak of interest that first made me want to get to know you, tinged with just a _tiny_ bit of loneliness. Then, as time went on, it evolved into something I can admit felt reminiscent to affection. The years then seemed to take what fondness I held for you and it grew into something… _more_.

Would most people classify what we have as love? And if so, could this be _considered _a run-of-the-mill kind of love story? How does a normal love story actually go anyway?

_Boy meets girl. _

_Boy and girl fall in love. _

_Inexplicable circumstance pull boy and girl apart. _

_Boy and girl reunite after arduous trial. _

_Boy and girl live 'happily ever after'. _

If that's all true, what does that say about us?

Is our love worth less because it's a bit different than everyone else's?

Whenever I lay awake at night, bored with the mountain of books you always supply me and the infinite hours of painful brain-killing television the hospital has me endure, I wonder these things.

Tell me, Raito…

Do you wonder about these things, too?

* * *

"_Sometimes… I can't remember a time when you weren't there with me. It's kind of scary, actually." Raito whispered as he stared up at the hotel room's ceiling. Lawliet blinked as he grabbed a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt from their bag, other miscellaneous items hanging off his arms as the jumbled utterance left his partner's lips. "Is that weird?" _

_Flawless features contorted into a relaxing visage of comfort, glossy locks of sandy gold hanging off the other's tanned forehead in a stylish disarray as the boy laid sprawled out against the bed, looking elegant even whilst doing that. The orange glow of the ceramic lamp just beside him intensified the aura of innocence surrounding the teenager as Raito sighed, closing his pretty eyes as his head lolled to the side. _

'_No one should have the right to look as perfect as that and still have not gotten laid yet.' The 18-year-old thought to himself humorously. _

"_Of course not, Raito." The slightly more sloppy of the two scratched his head as he shuffled his feet, dumping down the items within his hands within the chair right next to him before jumping back onto the bed, ignoring the muffled shout sent his direction as Raito grunted out in what seemed to be pain. "There are a lot of weird things about you… but I wouldn't consider your memory to be one of them." _

"_Gee, thanks." Though the tone of Raito's voice was irritated, a tiny smile rested upon those thin lips Lawliet loved to envision upon his own, sleek gray eyes darkening to a near translucent pewter. "I'm glad to know that I'm so strange. Yay for me."_

"_If it makes Raito feel better, I am not exactly the most first person in the world to be considered the most stabile in a normality contest, either." Ignoring the boy's pointed glance, Lawliet rolled over on his side and stared at the younger boy with a small smile on his face. "We're… two peas in a pod!"_

"_Uh…"_

"_We're a matching set of bra and panties!"_

"_Lawliet…" _

"_We're peanut butter and jelly!"_

"_Lawliet, I think I get it…"_

"_We're Laverne and Shirley! Lucy and Ethel! George and Wheezy! Felix and Oscar! Romeo and-"_

"_Lawliet!"_

"_Yes?" Large gray eyes blinked as Raito sighed in exasperation, fighting the urge to push his boyfriend off the bed within his mind as those laughing orbs betrayed the amusement the older of the two hid behind his perpetually straight face._

"_Are you feeling better than before, ass-clown?" A spark of… something flashed behind Lawliet's eyes as Raito felt his eyebrows furrow without realizing. "Hey… are you-" _

"_I heard you, Raito-kun. I'm just… tired." Rubbing the bridge of his nose, the dark-haired jokester scrunched up his face before rolling off the bed, moving towards his now rumpled clothing as Raito sat up and leaned forward, his concern dripping off his face. "Maybe a little bit of a headache. Nothing too bad."_

"_Are you hungry?" _

"… … … _Not really." Lawliet waved off the other's unease as he made his way to the bathroom, the agitation at his friend's slightly emotional display bothering him more than usual. "I'll be fine, Raito. Stop being such a mother." _

_Letting the insult slide, Raito sighed as the other teenager ignored him once more._

"_Lawliet?" The pretty brunette whispered, trying once more to simply __**get Lawliet to listen**__._

_The pale-skinned teen paused a second after, hand on the bathroom doorknob as Raito gave him a radiant smile, his face glowing as brilliantly as any star in the open night sky. Lawliet felt his breath get stolen away, never sure how to take in the other boy's beauty all at once. _

"_You know, when I said that there are times when I can't remember you being there…" Raito dropped back onto the bed as Lawliet tilted his head to the side, his milky white digits clenching against the stainless steel of the knob he was leaning against. "Sometimes… I'm glad I don't have to." _

* * *

"Raito, please just, calm down." Sachiko whispered as her son laid his head down on her lap, tears stinging her own eyes as her son broke down before her. "I'm sure he has his reasons for doing what he's doing."

"There's no reason for this." The brunette barely held himself together as his breaths began to force themselves out in fast pants, "No reason at all. _None whatsoever_."

"There's always a reason. A purpose. A _meaning_. Whatever sentiment with its own source of inner-justification on Lawliet's part that you think might be insignificant is _there_." Sachiko laid a hand on top of Raito's head as she smiled sadly. "Just because he hasn't told it to you yet, or you may have not noticed it beforehand, doesn't mean it isn't there."

"But-"

"Raito…"

"He didn't… he wasn't even going to _tell _me about this." Raito felt his voice break as he clutched at the skirt of his mother's dress. "He wasn't going to. I _know _he _wasn't._ And he's just… going to float on by, and act like he didn't say the things he said to that doctor, and he doesn't care that he's going to _**die**_. Why would he do this to me? Why?!"

"Sometimes, what a person does for himself, he also thinks he's doing for another." Sachiko felt her son's body shake as the drops of water clinging to her eyes seem to burn all the more. "Maybe he thinks that he's saving you, from either a life of pain or a love that he thinks will take you nowhere. Maybe he sees it as some sort of service to the world. Or maybe he's just taking the coward's way out. The only person who can truly answer your question, son, is Lawliet."

"He just dropped it on the doctor and acted like it was nothing." Raito felt himself break even further as the sob catching in his throat finally escaped, liquid fire burning tracks down his cheeks as the boy finally let himself go after years of staving off the inevitable. "I can't keep doing this. I can't keep fighting… especially if there's nothing left to fight for."

"Do you truly believe that, Raito?"

Silence was Sachiko's only answer as Raito buried himself deeper within his mother's lap, wondering if this was nothing but just another passing daze…

* * *

Everyday with you is one more than I always think I'm going to have.

Does that sound sad, or what?

Perhaps it's my own fault for thinking so morbidly, but it's just the way I've learned to adapt, especially having you by my side for so long. You took all the bad away, as clichéd as that sounds, and made everything so much better than it should have been. Before you found out about my illness, you always asked by my propensity to look towards the dark side of life.

It's so easy to slip into the past and just remember why…

* * *

"_Lawliet, stay here for a moment." The young woman smiled, albeit nervously as she ruffled her son's hair endearingly, the boy feeling so small within the physician's office as the large stuffed animals and colorful pictures hanging from he walls and lumped all over the doctor's desk overwhelmed his sable-colored sights. "The doctor just wants to talk to mommy about something for a second, and then we'll go straight home, ok?" _

_Nodding to his mother, Lawliet shyly ducked his head under his arms as his physician simply smiled and waved, beckoning the woman outside the hall before giving Lawliet one last bright grin. _

_Waiting for a solid minute and some seconds, the five-year-old boy jumped off of his seat and ran to the door, his sloppy white tee-shirt falling down one shoulder as the long end of his extremely baggy jeans nearly made him tripp over his own feet. _

_Pulling an ear over to the small crack of the open door, Lawliet simply listened, his mother's tone even softer than usual. _

"_... Doctor?" _

"_I think we need to talk about Lawliet's sudden bouts of illness as of late, ma'am."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"… … _There are… some tests that I think might benefit him. His symptoms along with his unusually high white blood count usually mean only one thing."_

"_Doc-doctor…"_

"_The only thing I can tell you is the sooner we can get these tests done, the better."_

* * *

"You can't ignore him forever."

"But I can try."

"And for what? You know it won't amount to anything, Raito."

"Don't care."

"Like you don't care for him?"

"Don't you dare ever say that to me again, Yagami Sayu, because it is quite obvious that you do not know what you're talking about." Raito muttered as he pushed past his little sister, rolling his eyes as she huffed at his 'indecent' exit. "I'm not doing this because I don't care about him, and you know it."

"I know plenty!" The young girl argued, not halting in her rant for even a second. "I know that you're just letting someone you care for kill themselves and you're not do anything about it! I know that you're taking the coward's way out and locking yourself in your room in hopes of not having to deal with your reality! I know that while I'm standing here talking to you, you could be at the hospital right now arguing your way to getting Lawliet the attention he damn deserves and not being such a little-"

"Stop." Raito felt his heart slow as his breaths began to grow shallow, the edges of his vision becoming darker and darker… "You think this is easy for me? I am going against every ingrained part of me, trying to just figure out my next move, trying to put myself _together_ again… don't judge me. I'm just trying to find a way to save him… and myself."

"I…"

"I have to do this my way."

"And your way is killing you, Raito." Sayu finally snapped, tears clinging to her eyelashes as her brother's firm outline seemed to sag, hand positioned over his door just as his head hung down awkwardly against the plying wood of the entrance to his bedroom. "Two weeks of not seeing him, and you're dying right before my very eyes. His decision isn't right; _it's not_. But what you're doing now is even _worse_, because you are taking yourself down with him. Raito… I just want my brother back."

"Do you trust me?" Raito glanced over his shoulder as he opened his door, eyes hooded with an emotion Sayu could not name.

"… When have I not?" The girl sighed, feeling the headache pounding against her temples increase in pressure. "But Raito…"

"Just trust me, Sayu. That's all I can really ask."

* * *

When my mother first told me I was sick, I wasn't too surprised. The coughing, the fevers, the night-sweats, the fatigue…

That was what being sick was all about, from what I'd been told so many times before.

I just wasn't able to understand what it was she was trying to say to me, and why not? I was only about six-years-old at the time.

I was more than just _sick_.

Do you know what it's like to have someone you barely know sit you down as a child and tell you you're going to die?

Yeah…

Quite a shock, that is.

But it wasn't his words that really hit me. I was only six, after all, and being told you were going to die was like being told you were going to sleep or you had an appointment you didn't really want to go to, but still had to nonetheless.

It was the look on the oncologist's face that drilled it to me, even more than his soft spoken words and empathetic hand gestures. That panicked undertone lying underneath his taut features, topped only by the cloudy sadness lingering within his dark eyes…

This horrible feeling I couldn't describe crawled under my skin, and lingered for a good two years until I finally was old enough to realize…

I was going to die.

I was going to _die_.

It was the beginning of the downward spiral that I would forever come to abhor. My mother started crying as soon as we left the doctor's office, and my father held this really pensive look on his face, half sad, the other half just frustrated.

They both couldn't stand to look at me after that appointment.

Or the morning after it.

Or the morning after that.

They stopped tucking me in at night.

They didn't hug me anymore, or wish me a nice day at school.

They barely spoke to me unless it was necessary.

And the fights they had…

It was mind blowing.

I became invisible, and their anger became more palpable to them than I was. It was almost as if one day I was there, the son that had always depended on them, and whom they had always doted on, and the next day…

I was _gone_.

Slowly, I felt myself begin to change. I would stop wondering why they weren't paying any attention to me, or why my own parents didn't seem to want me anymore. As the years passed on, I began to take it for the opportunity that it was and became all the more introverted, not caring about who was there with me or not. I built the shell necessary for me to operate in the world, trying to hold the breakdown I knew was coming just _one more day_.

Slowly, I began to wither away.

All I could think of was if this was _life_… was _death_ really all that bad?

I had been ready to die the day you met me.

And you, with all your bright-eyed innocence and excitable nature, took that away from me.

But you gave me something in return that day.

I still haven't decided if I appreciate it or not.

* * *

_The sound of streaming of water clashing against the bathroom tiles was beginning to irritate the hell out of Raito. _

_A good half-hour had past, and Raito was started to get more than just a little bit worried about Lawliet's hygiene…_

_Either that, or he was having a water fight without him. For some reason, Raito wouldn't put it past Lawliet if he was. _

'_I know Lawliet's a bit on the… fastidious side, but this is just getting to be ridiculous.' _

"_Lawliet?" Raito called out, rolling off the bed in an elegant semi-roll. "Law-liet…" _

_The sound of water was the only response received as Raito frowned to himself, now quite sure something was wrong, even if the gray-eyed boy once again said differently._

"_Lawliet…?" _

_Opening the door, Raito blinked as the steam from the hot water flowed out of the small bathroom and blew into his eyes. After a moment of swatting away the muggy haze, the young boy felt his heart drop onto the ground and shatter. _

_The shower was completely empty. _

_The now red and white bathroom floor, however, was not. _

"_**Lawliet!**_"

* * *

"_Raito?_"

The tired brunette blinked as the familiar feminine voice sang into his ear from his cell phone. Giving his mother a small gesture in return as she waved over at him from the kitchen. Raito gently closed the open door behind him and quietly slipped off his shoes.

"Yes?"

"… … _Are you busy?_"

"Why?"

"_Raito, please._"

"Tell me, who's asking. You… or _him_."

"_He hasn't been the same for the past three weeks that you've been gone! He refuses to eat or drink! They've had to put him on a tube just so his body can sustain itself! His health… it's declining even more rapidly than before. He… he misses you, Raito. Please…_"

"I don't think I-"

"_Raito, if not for him, please, __**please**__, do this for me. He's my __**son**__._"

Leaning against the wall beside him, Raito felt his resolve break in mere seconds.

"If I do this… it won't be without a fight."

Raito could detect a hint of a smile on the older woman's face even through the phone as she spoke her final words of conversation.

"_I wouldn't have it any other way, Raito._"

* * *

I don't want it.

Whatever it is that you've given to me…

This _thing_ infecting me even more than this damn cancer.

I want you to _take it back_.

But I don't think that it's possible at this point.

I can't stand sitting in here, waiting for someone to seal my own fate.

I just want to_ go home_.

What have you done to me, Raito?

Why…

Why did you have to remind me of my own will to live?

* * *

"_Rai… Raito?" Lawliet whispered as he sat within the white hospital bed, half dazed by the amount of drugs being pumped within him. "Raito, what happen…ed?" _

_The brunette stared sullenly at a point just to Lawliet's far left, eyes narrowed in mock-concentration. The worried student looked bedraggled, as if he hadn't seen a shower in days, eyes now decorated with bags of their own as an air of sleeplessness hung over the boy's exhausted visage._

"_You fainted in the bathroom… and hit your head on the counter when you fell." Raito whispered, his voice dull and rough. "You almost… they said you lost a lot of blood, and the trauma to your head caused a concussion. You wouldn't wake. Three days… you wouldn't wake up. They didn't know if you were going to wake up with brain damage or not." _

"_I'm al-"_

"_Don't." The look in Raito's eyes flared up as he began to tremble. "You're __**not **__ok, Lawliet. You never were."_

_The silence in the room was thick and deadly, sweat beginning to pour down the back of the hospital patient's neck as he once again felt faint and heavy._

_Raito took in a deep breath before asking the inevitable question. _

"_Why didn't you tell me that you began going to chemo again?"_

_Lawliet said nothing, letting the quiet speak for him. Dark gray eyes traced the other's figure as the teenager shook his head before grabbing the coat that was sitting behind him and walking out of the room without another sound._

_Why couldn't Raito just understand…? _

_He had never meant to say a word._

* * *

"You came." Lawliet's mother grinned as Raito walked into the hallway, eyes narrowed in thought. "Thank you… so much."

"I don't understand you." The brown-eyed 17-year-old snapped, something reminiscent to tears clouding the edges of his vision as the familiar outline of a bedridden body caught his wandering gaze.

"You never have." Watching Raito battle with his feelings, Lawliet's mother slowly moved to the side so that Raito could have a better look inside her son's room.

Suddenly, the calm atmosphere seemed to tense up between them as Raito felt his control over his emotions slowly slip away…

"I might hurt his feelings."

"I think he might need it."

"What if I tell him that this is it? That I just can't do this anymore and that I'm done."

"At least he'll have a definitive answer."

"Aren't you scared I might pull him over the edge?"

"You probably could…" The older of the two maneuvered around the younger male as she all but pushed Raito into the door he had been staring at. As he floundered into the hospital room, eyes wide with surprise, Lawliet's mother simply grinned. "But I firmly believe you're the only one who can bring him back to us anyway."

Winking at her son, who looked just as shocked as Raito, she closed the door behind her, wondering just who would come out on top.

'_Please don't let me down, Raito…_'

* * *

_**We'll make it through this…**_

* * *

Do you think that happiness can be measured by instances, Raito?

If so, would our love really have amounted to so much, anyway?

Sometimes… I think I loved you more than I should have.

You're everything a person could want in a lover, so it's easy on my part to see how such a thing could have happened. Still, it doesn't excuse the fact that I may have condemned you to something much worse than death.

There are always going to be things that we want in this world, that we just can't have.

I want more time than what I've been given.

You want a life I can't give you.

Maybe, between the both of us, we just weren't meant to know what happiness really tastes like…

* * *

_**Won't we?**_

* * *


	3. Our Story

A.N: Wooh! Finally! We've managed to get to the finish line (kind of?) and not be broken by the ultimate amount of angst and drama revolving around this damn story! Yayness for those of you who actually had the courage to read such an angst-fest from beginning to end-ish. Whether it was at least a 'good' angst-fest has yet to be debated. Lol. There is a small (and I mean _small_) epilogue that goes along with this final chapter, but that'll be posted in a day or two from now. Probably Monday or Tuesday, actually. It's already done, but I just don't have the time to download it right now (Me = Tired From Working All Day). By the by, I tried something different with this chapter... tell me what ya think (the song lyrics are just segways to the next 'part' of the chapter, so try not to to delve _too_ deeply into them).

I have to say, the person you should all really thank for this ending is Kitsune55 for basically ruling out any other alternative for this story with her small pleas. You'll see it all a bit clearer in the epilogue... but, yeah. She refused to be denied, as many of you others showed me as well. Lol. And, as always, many thanks to her for beta-ing as well. Yay.

Disclaimer: I do not own the songs "Half-Alive", "Awake" or "Broken", all of which are performed by and belong to the band Secondhand Serenade. Yeah, I had a theme going, darn it. Lol. Oh, and I don't own Death Note... obviously. *Sigh*

* * *

Title: _**All the Rest**_

Chapter Three: _Our Story_

* * *

"_I'm feeling half-alive, _

_But I know one day_

_You and I will be free_

_To live and die by our own rules-_

_**Free**__._

_Despite the fact that men are fools._

_I'm almost alive, and I need you to try_

_And save me._

_It's ok that we're dying…_

_But I need to survive tonight-_

_**Tonight**__."_

_-_"_Half-Alive_" by Secondhand Serenade

* * *

There are times that I have to wonder about the decisions we _both_ made that night.

Staring at me with those beautiful brown eyes…

You knew that I had betrayed you.

You _knew_.

And yet…

You came anyway.

Strangely enough, all I kept thinking to myself was-

'How did I get so lucky?'

But in the long run, luck really had nothing to do with it…

Not in concern to me, anyway.

* * *

"Raito…" Lawliet whispered as he sat up on the bed, pale white sheets falling over his gown-encased torso. "I…"

"I know." Raito whispered, his eyes glistening with something close to tears. Walking towards the bed, the brunette stopped himself before he got too close, not sure if he could walk any further without either crying out in distress or screaming in anger. "You look… the same. Good to know you didn't croak while I was gone."

"I do." The dark-haired 18-year-old muttered, ignoring the half-hearted insult for what it was and instead concentrating on the slightly haggard appearance his friend's face seem to take after two weeks apart.

If Raito had been exhausted and malnourished whilst he had been looking after Lawliet, then Lawliet didn't even want to _think_ about what would happen after he was _gone_.

'_But that's the only option you're giving him, isn't it? And worst yet, you haven't even __**told**__ him about it… You know he __**knows**__. And you weren't even the one to tell him about it… What a wonderful friend __**you are**__.'_

The same words that had haunted him rung incessantly within his head as Lawliet felt the beginnings of guilt stir within his gut, reminding him that his friend was _much _more perceptive than he gave him credit for.

"Wonderful." Raito commented dryly. "And here I thought you'd be halfway in your grave by now. Silly, silly me."

Lawliet didn't even flinch as Raito strolled right by his bed and sat against the couch sitting in front of the large window looming over the city surrounding the spacey hospital. Dark gray eyes kept their impassive look in them as the fiery passion swirled within Raito's own mocha-brown gaze, neither man willing to submit.

"I'll have Raito know that I am not quite yet ready to meet my maker." Lawliet pouted, grasping at the pale white hospital sheets lying on top of his lap with delicate fingers.

The laid out brunette barely held in his snort, keeping his gaze outside the window and on the city below them. "You'd never know with that devil-may-care attitude of yours."

"Raito doesn't know what he's talking about." Was the petulant patient's sullen reply, his voice breaking slightly at the end of the sentence as exhaustion began to eat away at his _own _psyche.

"And neither do you, but you still continue to open your mouth anyway. Figured I might as well join the club." Raito's omniscient stare swiveled back to the only other person in the room, the machines humming along with the strained tension that hung above the two teenager's heads. "Do you know what's even sadder than seeing you laying there on that bed, looking as harmless as a month old kitten? That I expected it."

"When the doctor's were treating you after our little trip, I wasn't surprised when I found out that you were doing your chemo again. When they kept going on about how it would affect your recovery, and how _dangerously _close you were to dying after losing as much blood as you did, I still wasn't surprised. You didn't mean to keep it from me, at least not in a spiteful way." The boy's eyes glistened as his hands trembled on his lap, the golden rays of light giving him a sort of tragic glow. "It wasn't your fault. You were still holding on, and I accepted it, because I loved you. All of you."

The rustling from the bed threw Raito off guard as pale white legs drifted over the ledge of the mattress, the bed's railings pulled down in a swift motion. Pushing himself up, Lawliet blinked over at his friend's now trembling form.

"… Is this why you haven't come before today?" Even as he spoke, Lawliet could see the truth behind Raito's own eyes.

The harsh stir of emotion only serving to remind him of the truth behind his _own_ lies, and the mistakes Lawliet himself still continued to make even now.

"Usually I'd make a sarcastic remark about one of us having to be the bigger man… but I just don't feel like making anymore jokes out of this than necessary. You know what you've done, and there's no sense of telling me otherwise. I just need to know… _why_?"

* * *

There were a million things I could have said.

The hospital food was horrible…

I didn't see the point of getting poked in the back again…

Bone Marrow Transplants were for wussies who actually _cared_ about their lives…

The truth was, even _I _didn't know why I was putting off all of the procedures.

I wanted to say something heroic, about you living your life without having to carry my burden around with you, and me accepting my fate of having to die _alone_…

But that was _bullshit_.

And the lies…

They just didn't want to come out.

So instead…

* * *

"Because I don't see the point of living a useless life I don't want to live." Lawliet answered back, eyes narrowing in agitation. "Do you really think that you're so important that it's worth going through all of this? Even I have a limit, Raito."

* * *

I hurt the one person I loved most, without even a second thought.

I didn't even feel _ashamed_, damn it.

I just…

I just didn't even think.

* * *

Raito looked away for a moment, hiding the contortion of pain those series of words had ignited. Pulling himself together, the desperate brunette turned back to his friend and sighed.

"Is that how you really feel?" Raito whispered, looking neither as distraught nor as angered as Lawliet might have thought he would have looked. In fact, his face…

Was utterly blank.

Though the anger Lawliet had managed to conjure had been as fake as the response he had given the young student, the panic welling up inside his chest felt all too real.

"I…"

'_I don't know._'

'_Leave me alone._'

'_I don't have the answers you're looking for!_'

"Well, Lawliet?" For a moment, Raito's face softened as the internal battle within the boy's crumbling mask began to pour over on his facial expression, gray eyes darkening into a stormy pewter. "Is it?"

'_I wish I could tell you the truth…_'

"**Yes**_._"

'_But there's nothing to really tell._'

* * *

I'm not one to apologize.

I'm just… _not_.

And neither are you, Raito.

But, sitting here thinking about it all _now…_

I would try, Raito.

Harder.

Better.

_Anything_.

I swear I would.

Maybe I'd fail.

Maybe… maybe I wouldn't.

Damn it.

Does it even matter now?

* * *

"Fine. But remember… you've only got yourself to blame in this scenario. I can't keep watching you destroy yourself; _I can't_. So you play your little cowardly act and keep on digging deeper and deeper until you figure out that it isn't death you want so much…" Raito took in a shuttered breath as he held in the small amount of liquid stinging at his corneas. "But just another chance to live."

Lawliet watched as Raito walked out of the hospital room, the scorned brunette's eyes now red-rimmed from both lack of sleep and the threat of tears pouring over his cinnamon-brown gaze, his heart still bleeding with something all too close to betrayal.

Feeling a part of himself crack under the pressure, the dark-haired patient laid his head down against his pillow as he wept without actually weeping, not sure if he even deserved that much comfort.

* * *

If not now, when?

If not with you, then with whom?

Asking these questions don't guarantee us the answers we want or need, and even if we had the answers, would people like us ever accept them in all of their finality?

I wanted to simply stay by your side, in the beginning.

And now, look at where we are.

What have we done to deserve this?

* * *

"Lawliet…"

The young man awoke hours later to his mother's voice, a sense of disembodiment floating within the recesses of his mind as cold soft hands shook his shoulders, the hoarse sound of sobs hanging off her usually lilting soprano. Still half-asleep, Lawliet wondered if there was a way he could just slip back into his land of dreams and just _stay there_…

"Lawliet, _please_, this is _important…_"

Still, Lawliet felt himself partially drifting within the darkness of half-dreams, a familiar face smiling down at him with a happiness the 18-year-old hadn't seen in _months_…

"Lawliet… it's… Lawliet, it's Raito…"

How could Lawliet want to wake from this dream?

Blurry gray eyes opened just a fraction as the sight of his mother's face, still distorted from just waking up, lay soaked with tears.

"Lawliet… Raito's been… he's been hit by… you just have to wake up, damn it!"

And in a matter of seconds, that beautiful dream turned into a seemingly never-ending nightmare that Lawliet would not soon forget.

* * *

"_Say my name, I just want to hear you._

_Say my name, so I know it's true._

_You're changing me. You're changing me-_

_You showed me how to live._

_So just say… so __**just**__ say…_

_That you'll stay awake for me._

_I don't wanna miss anything._

_I don't wanna miss anything._

_I will share the air I breathe,_

_I'll give you my heart on a string,_

_I just don't wanna miss anything._"

-"_Awake_" by Secondhand Serenade

* * *

I'd take the blame, if I could.

For _everything_.

My mother says it doesn't matter whose fault it is, now.

Well, it does to _me. _

To anybody else, it may not seem like I don't care, but _I do_.

From the beginning.

From the moment our eyes met.

From the time you laughed your silly laugh and invited me to your house.

From the minute you and I first saw each other at school.

From the first touch of our lips to our first fight with our fists.

I've _always_ cared.

Looking down at your thin delicate hand…

Who'd have thought our positions would have reversed, Raito?

* * *

"Where… where is he…"

Stumbling out of bed, Lawliet ripped the various needles and small sensors off of his arms and felt his legs nearly collapse under him as his mother attempted to push him back on the bed. Blood ran down his pale white arms, staining his hospital gown as his mother held in a gasp of worriment.

"Where is he… where is he…"

The question continually stumbled out of his mouth as the usually reserved boy pushed his mother out of his way, his voice escalating with each passing breath. Flailing out of the room, wild gray eyes widened as a multitude of people came rushing towards his room, various voices filling his ears.

"_Nurse! Patient in room 601 is going into shock!"_

"_What?! But-"_

"_Someone get in there and sedate the poor kid!"_

"_Anxiety attack! He's having an anxiety attack!"_

"_Doesn't matter, get him back on that bed and strap him down if you have to! NOW!"_

"_**Where is he**_?!" Lawliet cried out as two male nurses rushed in and pulled him back into the room and down onto the now stained red bed. "WHERE IS HE?!"

Feeling a slight prick on his arm, Lawliet felt his body wear down on its own accord, the fluid feeling of losing one's consciousness leaving him with a pool of darkness and the same question that no one seemed to want to answer…

'_Raito… where are you?_'

* * *

I don't remember much after that.

I'm kind of glad I don't have to, if you really wanted to know the truth.

Darkness…

It just keeps speckling in on what I _do_ remember, making it all seem much more dramatic than it probably was.

Either that, or I'm probably still in denial about it.

I haven't quite decided yet, truth be told.

Watching you know…

I don't think it matters, does it?

* * *

_**Darkness…**_

_**Light…**_

_**Memories…**_

_**Lies…**_

_**Is this my punishment for pushing you away?**_

* * *

I couldn't believe it at first.

Irony had definitely swung hard and fast, and I had to wonder, just for a second, if this is what it felt like to be in a soap opera.

For some strange reason, the thought of Nate barging in, proclaiming that he was your secret lover and that we were all somehow related by distant blood came into mind.

Unfortunately, I didn't find it all that funny.

Even after the onslaught of chaos and semi-destruction within my own hospital room, I still don't remember a lot after my mother told me about the accident…

My doctor told me that I had just about blanked out for a good two days, only asking the one question that seemed lodged within my head.

I almost didn't believe him, at first.

But then again…

I don't remember much. So maybe it wasn't so _un_-believable. I don't doubt that the amount of sedatives they pumped me with (_and oh, how they tried to deny __**that**__ one…_) had something to do with it.

Even so, my question was answered…

Eventually.

* * *

"Where is he?"

The horrible calm that descended over her son's voice clutched at her heart's strings as Maki's own set of light gray eyes once again filled with tears.

"Lawliet?" The young mother laid a hand on the boy's forehead, wincing at the shockingly white pallor and frosty temperature of the boy's skin. "Are you… alright, honey?"

"Mother…" Glassy dark gray eyes pinpointed to her face as Maki felt her resolve tremble… "Please. I need to know."

Only to then break.

"From what the nurse down the hall just told me, they've just… they've just taken him out of the OR and he's going into ICU… I don't know much more than that."

Blank slate-gray eyes slowly blinked as the boy couldn't seem to actually _process _the information given to him, the shock eating at his psyche more than his own illness _ever _could.

'_Oh, baby…_'

"Lawliet… Lawliet… _Lawliet_, are you alright?"

All the dark-haired hospital patient could do was blink once again as the question remained unanswered.

* * *

What's the use in even asking any of these questions, though?

You aren't going to magically wake up and answer them all with a smile and a hug.

I'm just…

Pathetic, really.

Waiting for a reason to give up…

Letting go of my reason to hold on…

You're paying for my mistakes, Raito.

_Why_ does it feel that way?

All the things you said that day, it's all true. I'm nothing but a coward, looking to dig hole I can't crawl out of. Pushing you into a corner… it's a miracle that you stayed as long as you did.

I did this to you, didn't I?

If you ever wake up, hate me.

I don't deserve anything less.

* * *

"Uh…"

The tiny nurse sighed as the boy stared out the window, not even flinching as the door swung shut behind her. Her dark hair swayed as she shook her head, a swell of sympathy for both this child and…

"Lawliet-san?"

Gray eyes devoid of emotion swiveled from the window to the door and met the nurse's surprised gaze, long sable fringe grungy from lack of grooming as bags hung from those soulful eyes which had, at one time, danced in mirth from the sight of one single exasperated brunette.

"Yes?" The word was said so softly, the young woman could have sworn she herself had misheard and the silence was finally getting to her. A good week had gone since the last time any of the nurses, or even the boy's parents, had heard the now silent teenager speak, and they had all grown to miss the usually wistful baritone that would echo off the walls along with the musical tenor that would often respond back.

"It's about, Yagami-san… I was just wondering if… you wanted to come see him in the ICU." The nurse simply replied before smiling at the sudden spark of… something behind the boy's now lightening gray eyes. "I have a wheelchair all ready for you. I was wondering if… maybe…?"

Lawliet felt himself immediately perk up as he sat up within the bed, hands immediately on the railings. The nurse smile became a large grin as she hurried by his side and pulled them down with little trouble, letting the boy steady himself against her shoulder as he quickly attempted to get out off of the lumpy mattress and onto the semi-uncomfortable wheelchair.

"But you have to promise me something, L-san…" For a second, the short-haired slightly stocky nurse looked a bit uncomfortable in his presence, obviously remembering the last time she had been in the room and he had been having his little… _fit_. "You can't react the same way you did when… well, like _before_. Or else they may restrict your visiting and say it's not cognitive with either of your healing processes…"

"I will attempt to hold in any volatile reaction the best I can, but I will not make any promises that I know I cannot keep." Lawliet muttered, sounding a bit more like his usual self. The nurse smiled, hesitation still clouding her features even as she wheeled the 18-year-old boy out of the room and descended down the hall towards the looming elevators.

As the small bell signaling the elevator's arrival sounded off in Lawliet's ears, his hands twisted themselves across his lap, pewter-colored eyes squeezing shut as both patient and nurse entered the small compact space.

Preparing himself for both the best and the worst, Lawliet did something he hadn't done in long, _long_ time…

_He prayed._

* * *

"_And __**time**_

_Is all I ask for-_

_**Time.**_

_I just need one more day…_

_(Just one more day…)_

_(Just one more day…)_

_And __**time**__._

_You've been crying too long-_

_**Time.**_

_And your tears wrote this song-_

_**Stay**__._

_In the moonlight… _

_Your face, it glows._

_Is it broken?_"

-"_Broken_" by Secondhand Serenade

* * *

"Lawliet-san?"

'Who do you rely on when you can't even rely on yourself?' Lawliet thought to himself as the banged up face in front of him cut deeply within his soul. His fingers twitched against the handle of the chair as the monitors he were so used to seeing were for once attached to the person whom had usually played the part of spectator.

His emotions felt like pieces of glass tearing at his insides, shredding what little self control he actually had into tiny pieces.

He wanted to run.

He wanted to stay.

How did Raito deal with all this so calmly?

"Lawliet-san, I believe your mother is here to see you. Would you mind if she… came in with you for a bit?"

"Where are Raito's parents and sister?"

"… … I don't know, Lawliet-san. They left a bit earlier… his sister and mother were a bit hysterical, so I suppose Yagami-san is trying to calm them down right now."

"… I see."

White bandages.

There were everywhere, illuminating the boy's skin so that he looked paler than what he actually was.

Tubes.

Machines beeping.

Bruises.

Cuts…

Lawliet felt his throat constricting as the sharp edges of emotions cut just that much deeper.

"Lawliet-san? Your… mother?"

"Alright."

* * *

"_Raito-kun looks bored…" Lawliet whispered, the smooth ease of drowsiness languidly pulling him deeper within sleep's embrace. _

_Raito rubbed one of his eyes with the back of his eyes as he leaned back into the chair and laughed. _

"_Maybe… But I'll still be here when you wake."_

_Lawliet smiled, knowing that that much would always be true._

* * *

"What are you doing?" Maki whispered as she entered the small room, blinking at the unfamiliar sight in front of her. Instead of Lawliet lying on the bed as Raito grinned up at her, exhaustion dripping from his drought features, her son's devastated form sat slouched within a wheelchair, not taking his eyes from the body resting on the hospital mattress.

"… … Thinking."

"About what?"

Dark gray eyes slowly moved from Raito's bed to Maki's slim form outlined by the bright lights of the hospital's hallways just behind her.

"_Everything_."

* * *

"_Why do you do this to yourself?" Lawliet pondered out loud, not noticing the tenseness of Raito's shoulders or the hurt expression on the boy's face as he turned the other way. _

"_Because I love you. Do you even have to ask?"_

_Lawliet shrugged as he picked up his book and began reading once again, Raito's hands shaking as they formed fists on the bed. _

_Neither boy would ever win at this game._

_Though, if one were to look at the whole picture a bit more carefully, it was pretty obvious that neither boy would ever really want to win, anyway._

* * *

"You can't change the past, Lawliet. What's happened, happened."

"Is that what you used to tell him?" The young boy countered, moving just the slightest bit closer to the bed as his eyes moved away from his mother and turned back to Raito's bed. "To help him not to feel sorry for himself?"

"No." Maki sighed as she opened the door once again, hoping that she could talk the Yagami's into allowing Lawliet just a few more minutes alone with their son. "He fought too hard for you to need me to do the fighting for him."

Not noticing the brightening shine on her son's eyes as she closed the door, Maki hoped that maybe, just _maybe_, Lawliet would take from this what he needed to.

'_After all, if Raito has to suffer through your own idiocy, it's only fair that he get re-compensated for all that heartache, Lawliet. Learn from this, son… learn so he won't __**have**__ to hurt anymore._'

* * *

"_I wish we could get out of here and do something normal couples do." Lawliet murmured, not realizing Raito's wide-awake eyes against his collarbone. _

_Blinking as a hand moved up from his waist and across the gap of space between his hip and arm, Lawliet almost cringed as Raito smiled. _

"_And here I thought you liked all of our secret hospital getaways." The boy joked as he grabbed Lawliet's hand and snuggled up against him once again. _

"_Shut up, Raito…"_

* * *

"You'll wake up… like I did."

_But then what?_

"You'll wake up, and I'll apologize for everything."

_But then what?_

"I…"

_But then what?_

"I don't want to lose you."

_Just like he didn't want to lose you?_

"That was…"

_Isn't this ironic?_

_Weren't you the one everyone was always crying over?_

_The one person who stood by you unconditionally simply asked for the truth…_

_And you hurt them. _

_**You**__ did this. _

_You should be the one on a bed dying._

_So__** worthless…**_

_Aren't you?_

"I am."

Raito's heart monitor continued to beep at a steady rhythm as Lawliet pushed down the bed railing with jittery hands and grabbed the boy's cold appendage. Slouching over even more than usual, Lawliet felt his body cringe in slight discomfort as he laid his head against the uncomfortable mattress, eyes still trained on the young teen lying as stilly as a corpse.

"_I am_."

* * *

"_Raito-kun?" _

_A small child with caramel-brown hair and clear molten amber eyes blinked as he smiled up at his best friend of nearly two years. _

"_Yes, Lawliet?" He always found it funny how his friend still refused to just call him 'Raito', but he never fell under the same trap. Secretly, he knew Lawliet enjoyed the lack of formality between them. The usually exasperated brunette was pretty sure the only reason Lawliet continued to do so with Raito's own name was because he wanted to, and whatever Lawliet wanted to do, he did with no regrets._

_Usually, anyway. _

"_I have to speak with you about something very important." The look on the slightly taller and much paler child's face was not very familiar to Raito, only resembling the one he was wearing the first day he had met him at the small abandoned playground they now inhabited everyday two year's back. _

_There was always this sadness mixed in with a… __**hopelessness **__that radiated from the older boy's eyes that seemed to cause an impenetrable rift between them. _

_It was heartbreaking. _

"_What's the matter, Lawliet?" _

"_Well… I'm… I'm dying, Raito."_

* * *

There are so many stories out there, and so many potential endings to each one.

And where one story ends, another always begins.

In first thinking, all I could think about was how we were all born to live and die.

_That's it_.

But…

There's more to it than just that, right?

You understood that from the beginning, Raito.

You held this understanding that I didn't have…

And you have no idea how much I loved you for it.

How much I _still_ love you for it.

* * *

"_You're dying?" _

_Staring at the boy, Raito did something that he was sure Lawliet never would've expected him to do. _

_He smiled. _

"_Well, I guess have a lot of time left, then." _

"_What…"_

"_C'mon!" Grabbing his friend's hand, Raito whipped around so that he wouldn't notice the sudden sheen overtaking his eyes. "There's so much left to do! So much left to see! What are we standing around here for just wasting our time!"_

"_Raito, what are you-"_

"_I'm not letting go yet." The boy whispered, the smile not falling off of his face for even a second, his feet still moving against the soft grass below him, the sound of his friend's own steps stumbling behind him. "So you don't either, ok?"_

_Lawliet felt his mouth snap shut after that, not sure how to respond. _

_Raito's own laughter filled the small park, pushing back the older boy's own mood in the back of his mind. _

_If only he knew just how much Raito was crying on the inside…_

_But that was yet another story in the making. _

* * *

"… … Maki-san informed me that you wished to speak with me about something important, Lawliet-san."

Lawliet looked up at the doctor, a small smile perched on his lips. The doctor looked a bit uncomfortable as he looked just beyond his patient and noticed the still comatose body lying behind his own.

Hands still grasping hands.

Eyes still sparkling with tears.

"Yes… I did."

* * *

I get it now…

Better late than never, right?

And when you wake, Raito…

* * *

One tear trailed down Lawliet's cheek as he stroked the boy's own reddened nose, fingers making their way down the smooth patch of pale-tawny skin. The 18-year-old did not notice the stream of people standing outside the door watching his small, if most precious, declaration with something akin to awe and satisfaction.

"I'll be right here waiting, Raito."

* * *


	4. Ending at the Beginning

A.N: So, here's the mini-finale to "All the Rest" and final installment to the "Halfway There" Universe. This story was never about character death, as the other chapters may have left you to believe (though I did leave a lot of hints other wise), but on the concept of human life. Hopefully, this epilogue will help give us all a bit of closure. Thanks for reading, you guys! And thanks to Kitsune55 for beta-ing for me! You guys are all awesome!

* * *

Title: _**All the Rest**_

Epilogue: _Ending at the Beginning_

* * *

Dark hair blew against the onslaught of winds and leaves billowing past the near middle-age woman dressed entirely in black as she stepped forward and knelt before the aging tombstone in front of her.

Gray eyes which used to sparkle with an inner-glow others grew to admire darkened indescribably as the woman trembled for a moment.

"Mother?" A small adolescent boy with platinum blonde hair and dark eyes knelt beside the fallen woman as her body shook from both the cold and misery overtaking her slowly. "Mother, please calm down."

"Nate, I just… _can't_…"

"Yes." Another pair of pale white hands came around her slim frame as familiar gray eyes encompassed the woman's vision, a face so familiar to her husband's taking her breath away. "You can."

"Lawliet…" Sniffling, Maki nodded before slowly staggering up, looking down at the gravestone once more before turning and refusing to look back.

"_Your father would have been so proud_…" Lawliet could have swore he heard her whisper as she grabbed Nate's arm and walked away from their father's gravestone, head hanging heavily against the torrent of winds blowing harshly around them.

"Hey." Turning around, Lawliet almost smiled as a familiar brunette with an equally familiar limp made his way up the cemetery's pathway. "Sorry about that."

"It's alright." Grabbing his lover's hand, Lawliet propelled him forward so that they both faced his parent's marker. "You had your own respects to keep as well."

Raito shrugged as he thought back on his own mother, who laid just four rows down from where Lawliet's father now rested.

"It's going to be hard for her. She'll need you now more than ever." Nodding his head, Lawliet dug into his suit pocket and took out-

"A stone?" Raito blinked as Lawliet smiled to himself.

"His _lucky_ stone. He said it won him his first date with my mother."

"… Just _**how **_did he do _that_?"

Lawliet then sweat dropped as he remembered his father's… _proud_ story.

"… … … He threw it at her first date's head when she wasn't looking and made himself look like the hero."

"Unsurprisingly, that sounds like something the _both _of you would do." Raito snarked, eyes actually alight with amusement.

"I am my father's son, Raito." Lawliet grinned as he made a small patch in the ground and buried the stone within it. "And this stone should stay with its original owner."

"You're so nice."

"Of course I am. Besides… I have my _own_ good luck charm."

"Oh really? And what's that?"

Smiling to himself, Lawliet simply patted the ground before standing up and strolling out of the cemetery. Not looking to see if Raito was following or not, Lawliet once again plunged his now dirty hand within the same pocket as before, this time pulling out a small piece of paper.

Opening it up, Lawliet simply saw three words inscribed in it, the writing not his own, but familiar none the less.

* * *

"_Raito… what are you working on over there?" Lawliet wheeled his chair so that it was sitting in front of his boyfriend's mattress, his hands trembling as they grasped the pen with a tenuous grip, at best. _

"_A reminder, of sorts…"_

"_For yourself?" Lawliet looked a bit skeptical as he stared at the boy with unwavering dark eyes. "You're not very forgetful, though…" _

"_No." Raito then put the pen down on his lap as he carefully folded the paper between his long, shaky fingers. "For you."_

_Handing it over to Lawliet, the grin on Raito's face simmered down to a small smile. _

"_Always for you." _

* * *

Reading the words over and over, they swelled until Lawliet sighed out his relief.

* * *

_Lawliet almost laughed as he unfolded the small piece of paper and looked down at the neat writing before him, scribbled in english with near perfect penmenship. Carefully caressing the front of the paper, dim gray eyes closed as Lawliet savored the simple meaning behind Raito's equally simple words splashed onto the tiny piece of white paper. _

_**Don't give up**_**.**

_And just when he thought Raito couldn't get any cheesier..._

_Lawliet felt his heart swell with glee. _

_And just when he thought he knew better, as well._

* * *

He would never forget, either.

"Lawliet?! Hey, wait for me! I'm technically crippled, you bastard!"

"… … I doubt a small limp that will eventually go away in time is that high up in the handicapped category, Raito!"

"TELL THAT TO MY ACHING LEG, YOU JACKASS!"

"… … Gladly!"

"THAT'S IT! JUST WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, L LAWLIET!"

"Now that just sounds like fun."

"Gah!"

* * *

One story ends…

Another story begins.

Maybe there's more to life than just _death_, after all.

If so, then I'm more ready than I've ever been to face it.

Here's to all the rest…

Hopefully, it'll be better to us than everything before it was.

But…

That's another story in itself, isn't it?

* * *

_Owari_

* * *


End file.
